so that wasnt chicken after all
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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