I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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