clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he thought i was a dude.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
