We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
