totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
