Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
