he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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