the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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