i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
