dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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