I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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