You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off