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if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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