I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i want to swaddle you in tequila
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.