I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight