Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode