Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
50% drunk capacity currently
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
