Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
