Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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