I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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