I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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