i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
