Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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