i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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