Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
