dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
