put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We left the knife in your bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
