it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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