We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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