No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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