Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
