And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
