so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
