Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need to stop coming to work sober
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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