Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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