So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
