so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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