i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
