what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
