Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize