dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
