My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
