Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
