I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
