We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize