i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
