In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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