then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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