that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
