Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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