Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
