if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
