and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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