she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
