If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
