Pappa wants mamma naked
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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