i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
