So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
