I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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