So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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