you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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