i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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