what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
