no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
