You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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