Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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