So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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