shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
