I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
