whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
