it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
