drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
