I'm lost and stupid without you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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