I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
