I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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