I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
